On The Relative Intelligence of Snakes* (Ramón is Dumb)

*Please take most of this information with a grain of salt. I did a fair amount of research, but I am in no way an expert. If I'm wrong on anything, don't hesitate to comment and let me know.

Johno and I once had a discussion on the intelligence of snakes (i.e, pattern recognition, memories, feelings). I hadn't done much of my own research on the matter but to me (at least, at first), they seemed like quite conscious creatures. Observing your surrounding and understanding how to react to them is also a part of it. Snakes, by their natures, are generally shy but observant. A case of the watched watching the watchers. I mean, surely with all their advantageous senses they would be somewhat intelligent?

Looking right into your soul.

However...

After some research I realised that snakes were not the cunning thinkers I thought they were. Rather, they apparently turned out to be not much more intelligent than goldfish. They are opportunistic feeders, and won't really take much stead in feed patterns. Though they might realise, over time, that a certain movement equates to feeding - much like how fish will eventually learn that opening of the fishtank lid means food - I think it would take much longer for a snake to learn the same principle as they are fed much, much less often than fish. Whether that means it's "learned" anything is questionable, though. 

It's a lot cuter if you imagine a big question mark above his head.

They also actively ignore food in preparation for a shed. Instinct? Surely. Intelligence? Probably not. Though they are actively making a decision that would affect them later, I'm relatively certain that not much thought goes into it. 

 It was like watching a fat woman walk straight past a buffet table without even looking.

Also on the topic of their extra senses - it doesn't really make them any more intelligent. They have a tiny brain to begin with (in comparison to their body, unlike us fathead humans) and most likely, a lot of their thought process is taken up by other functions. Monitoring body temperature would be one, and also processing information coming in from their Jacobson's organ. In exchange they have extremely poor eyesight. 

They can see relative movement - some people say they can see shape at 1m, and movement at 5m. Most people say if you stay still enough that a snake can't distinguish you from the background - which I say is fair, I mean their eyes are meant to detect 360° danger [movement], but positioning of their eyes just wouldn't allow for 3D perception as easily as ours.

Unless you were right in front of it.

It's probably why they always line up their head before they strike - it's the only point in their vision where their peripherals overlap and allow them to perceive depth.

There's also a heap of anecdotal evidence that people have offered to argue the case of snake intelligence. But, anecdotal evidence is really no evidence at all without scientific backing. That's not to say that I disagree with people have an ephemeral connection to their pets. I just don't know what to say if they expect the snake to have reciprocal feelings.

Either way, snakes are good at what they do. They are wonderfully adaptive hunters and overall beautiful creatures. It doesn't matter to me that I basically own an elongated, terrestrial, fin-less goldfish.

..well, most of the time.

 ANYWAY HE'S MUCH MORE BADASS THAN ANY FISH SO SHUT UP.